The Bachelor recap: Once, twice, three times a red flag

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Man, that was a long “To Be Continued” wasn’t it, rose lovers? When last we were together, Onyeka and Nicole’s cocktail-party spat sent Colton into a tailspin, and he fled to the beach for some blessed peace and quiet.

Now, one week later he’s still pacing the beach, perhaps wondering how on earth he’s allowed his life to devolve into a mediocre soap opera.

Meanwhile, Onyeka is back with the rest of the “ladies” griping about Nicole and bullying her into proving that she’s a bully. “Nicole! You said I bullied you – back it up!” she snaps. Ugh — send both of these fools home, please. Thankfully, Chris Harrison appears with his Butter Knife of Bad News and alerts the “ladies” that it’s time to cull the herd.

Rose ceremony roll call: Caelynn, Tayshia, Kirpa, Demi, Hannah G., Katie, and Sydney “sexual innuendo” join Heather, Cassie, and Hannah B. in the Rose Holders Circle. Okay Onyeka and Nicole, get the eff out.

On to Vietnam, and Colton’s first #SadCam of the week!

The Bachelor admits that all the drama has left him feeling “overwhelmed” and “anxious,” and he’s hoping this week will offer some “clarity” about his Wife Hunt. To that end, the first one-on-one goes to Hannah G. — one of the 5 women (along with Demi, Katie, Kirpa, and Sydney) who hasn’t yet had a solo date with Colton.

Though the date card said “we really knead” this date, Colton and Hannah are NOT making bread — they’re getting a couples’ spa treatment, involving face masks and giant leaf wraps.

“I would definitely eat that sushi roll,” Colton tells us with a cheeky grin. Gross, dude. After the wrap, Hannah G. and Colton lie on a massage table and make out… then they get in a mud bath and make out… and then they get in an outdoor shower and make out… so yeah, it’s like the Cassie date all over again.

Back at the hotel, America’s sweetheart Caelynn is suddenly out there trash-talking Hannah G., saying she’s “relied on her beauty for so much of her life” and wondering if there’s “some depth to her that we’re missing.” Am I the only one who’s surprised to hear Caelynn be so petty? Maybe there was some truth to Hannah B.’s claims about her beauty-queen rival. (Next: “There’s usually not this much laughter”)

Chris Harrison hosts the veteran reality romance series. Will you accept this rose?

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